We’re not dumb. We just really, really, don’t understand.
Can somebody invent Google translate between genders? That would be FANTASTIC. Forget Spanish, French, German and Japanese; I need a translator for women.
Ladies: Sometimes, you say and do things that we as men just do NOT understand, and this can make our relationships REALLY freaking complicated.
For the most part, we’re practical (notice, the most part). We say what’s on our minds and we act based on those thoughts. And due to this simplicity in thought processes, we can NOT wrap our minds around certain things women do.
We love you, we really, really do, but for the life of us, sometimes, we just don’t GET you.
To make things easier for us, it would really, REALLY help to straight up TELL us what you’re thinking. But until then, here’s a few things that we men just don’t get about women:
1. “It’s Fine”
No, no it’s not “fine.” Any time a woman says it’s “fine,” it’s a warning sign that a man is doing something very, very wrong.
But why can’t you just tell us?
Why say it’s “fine” when it’s REALLY not? For guys, it’s much easier to just say when something is bugging us, so sometimes we just can’t wrap our minds around the concept of women saying it’s “fine.”
Can someone explain this?
2. Why do you wear such uncomfortable shoes? (Seriously.)
Your limping and bruised ankles beg to differ when you say “they are comfy, I swear!” There is NO way that those 6-inch stilettos are “comfy.” You’re basically walking on popsicle sticks.
HOW you do it is beyond us, but WHY you do it is the even bigger mystery.
Because they’re cute? Ok, so are baby tigers, until they get old come after you. Just like your shoes will do to your feet. If they cause more pain than pleasure, wear something else.
3. Why is your purse a black hole?
Phone, keys, wallet. That’s the mantra for a man leaving his house. Why is there an entire ecosystem living in your purse? You have snacks, makeup, an assortment of old candy, and enough spare change to make a CoinStar machine smile, but WHY?
There’s a fine line between being prepared and preparing for the apocalypse.
And what’s more, you have bags IN your hand bag. It’s like a Russian nesting doll: They just keep unzipping to find smaller and smaller items.
4. Why does bathroom time = a group field trip?
Can you not do it by yourself? Like, really, what DO women do in there? If a guy goes to the bathroom, he’s on a mission and nothing will distract him until his objective is complete. For women, it seems like there’s more to the story…
5. Why does chocolate fix EVERYTHING?
“I’m mad.” Chocolate chips. “I’m sad.” Chocolate ice cream. “I’m happy!” Chocolate cake. Why does chocolate seem to be the go-to cure all for basically every situation?
Yes, it’s delicious. But is there some kind of magical property to it that men are just oblivious to? It’s almost as if doctors should be prescribing Hershey’s over pain killers. Could the long sought-after secret ingredient to a long-lasting relationship be something as simple as Nesquik?
6. Why do you ask our opinion if you don’t want it?
If you ask us, we’re going to tell you. If you don’t want us to tell you, why ask? Why do you ask us how you look in something if you don’t want to hear the answer?
Men are straightforward thinkers. If you ask a question, we answer. No tricks, no mind games, just response. This gets REALLY confusing.
7. Food: If you want it, GET IT.
If you’re hungry, why did you order a Greek salad with a side of ranch? I ordered fries because I wanted them — not because I wanted you to ask for some after pecking half-heartedly at your appetizer.
If you want food, order it.
We will never understand the logic behind ordering nothing then asking for a “bit of this,” or a “nibble of that.” Can I eat my food in peace, please?
8. Why do you expect us to be mind readers?
We’re men. Sometimes we’re dumb. It happens. But we’re not mind readers. When you ladies say, “well you should have known,” we as men say, “but why didn’t you tell us?”
Men and women communicate very differently, but why is it that women expect men to just “know?” To make things easier, please, PLEASE just tell us.