It is a common belief that each person only falls in love three times during their lifetime. However, each one of these happens under a very different light from the one before and each serves a very different purpose.
THE FIRST LOVELOVE
The first love happens when we are young, sometimes as young as the time we are in high school. This love fulfills the dreams of our youth and fulfills our idealistic belief of what we expect love to look like – just like the fairy tales.
This love fulfills our need to live up to society’s expectations. We jump into this love headfirst believing that this person will be our only love (even if it does not feel quite right) and convince ourselves that this is how love should look like. This love focuses more on how others perceive us versus how we actually feel.
THE SECOND LOVE
The next love, the second love, is the hard love. This is the love that teaches us lessons about ourselves and what we need to feel loved in any relationship. This love brings with it great pain – the pain of loss, deceit and lies.
During this love we believe we are doing things differently, but we are not. We tend to hold steadfast to this love because this relationship is different from the last one. However, this one is the one where we will grow. This is the one where we will experience pain. And this is the love where we will realize what we really need out of our next relationship.
THE THIRD LOVE
The third is the love we never see coming. The one that usually looks all wrong for us and that destroys any lingering ideals we clung to about what love is supposed to be. This is the love that comes so easy it doesn’t seem possible. It’s the kind where the connection can’t be explained and knocks us off our feet because we never planned for it.
This is the love where we come togetherwith someone and it just fits—there aren’t any ideal expectations about how each person should be acting, nor is there pressure to become someone other than we are.We are just simply accepted for who weare already—and it shakes to our core.It isn’t what we envisioned our love would look like, nor does it abide by the rules that we had hoped to play it safe by. But still it shatters our preconceived notions and shows us that love doesn’t have to be how we thought in order to be true.This is the love that keeps knocking on our door regardless of how long it takes us to answer.It’s the love that just feels right.Maybe we don’t all experience these loves in this lifetime, but perhaps that’s just because we aren’t ready to. Maybe the reality is we need to truly learn what love isn’t before we can grasp what it is.Possibly we need a whole lifetime to learn each lesson, or maybe, if we’re lucky, it only takes a few years.Perhaps it’s not about if we are ever ready for love, but if love is ready for us.And then there may be those people who fall in love once and find it passionately lasts until their last breath.Those faded and worn pictures of our grandparents who seemed just as in love as they walked hand-in-hand at age80 as they did in their wedding picture—the kind that leaves us wondering if we really know how to love at all.Someone once told me they are the lucky ones, and perhaps they are.But I kinda think that those who make it to their third love are really the lucky ones.They are the ones who are tired of having to try and whose broken hearts lay beating in front of them wondering ifthere is just something inherently wrongwith how they love.But there’s not; it’s just a matter of if their partner loves in the same way theydo or not.Just because it has never worked out before doesn’t mean that it won’t work out now.What it really comes down to is if we are limited by how we love, or instead love without limits. We can all choose tostay with our first love, the one that looks good and will make everyone else happy. We can choose to stay with our second under the belief that if we don’t have to fight for it, then it’s not worth having—or we can make the choice to believe in the third love.The one that feels like home without any rationale; the love that isn’t like a storm—but rather the quiet peace of the night after.And maybe there’s something special about our first love, and something heartbreakingly unique about our second…but there’s also just something pretty amazing about our third.The one we never see coming.The one that actually lasts.The one that shows us why it never worked out before.And it’s that possibility that makes trying again always worthwhile, because the truth is you never know when you’ll stumble into love.
“You found parts of me I didn’t know existed and in you I found a love I no longer believed was real.”